We’re going down- kiss your arse good-bye

July 5, 2009

I’ve had to do some traveling lately, and the one constant seems to be that the worst artists in the world usually get the job of illustrating all those airline safety leaflets. Honestly, it looks like the people they find to do these things are the same guys that do logos for $99 or something. I know most of these are done with Adobe’s Illustrator, but is that really an excuse for making the people in the images look like freaks of nature? Think of how often we’re told on flights to assist the child next to us with their oxygen mask only after placing on our own. That makes sense, but why does this airline really assume that “little people” need the same attention?

Little_peep_Safe

All he’s missing is a stogie and a spank mag.

 I understand (as anyone who has ever flown does) that a seat cushions can be used as a floatation device, but it always impresses me how artists interpret the potential reactions of travelers who might face this situation. For example, there are those who might immediately come to terms with their doomed fate, like this version of “Ophelia: world trekker”.

Ophelia

She’s has such a strong sense of melancholy.

But this lady isn’t so pleased, oh she’s not angry or scared, just annoyed that she won’t make her connecting flight. 

Suck_RaftYou can almost hear her saying “ƒ√¢-®s”

Sometimes, when you have a non-african artist do illustrations of black people, you’ll get some weird renditions of them. This is particularly frequent in Japanese anime, as seen in this prime example, Afro-Samurai.

afro_samurai

Or as in this illustration, where the man isn’t so much black, as he is a Golem.

What’s wrong with his arms? 

Brutha_Blow

golem

The nice thing about these leaflets though is that the images are so generic that it gives artists who haven’t worked in years, or kept up with trends, a chance to get some work. I mean, when was the last time the Ron Jeremy look was in? OK, maybe the porn-stash IS coming back into vogue. 

Ron_Jeremy_Hero

Keeping the whole porn connection in mind though, why do we have to include all fetishes? I mean, who came up with “plane-bondage”? Do we really need to see this sort of testicular abuse in a safety pamphlet?

 

Tight_n_Crotch

I love the look of pain in his face.

Considering all the horrible things that can happen to a traveler while on an aircraft, perhaps downplaying the event is a good thing. I mean why not point out the real concerns in life… like how all that drama can ruin your hair. 

My_Hair_Ruined

When life hands you lemons, make an airline safety leaflet.

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2 Responses to “We’re going down- kiss your arse good-bye”

  1. Brooke said

    Freaking hysterical! Oh, and I think the seatbelt guy looks like he’s secretly loving it.

  2. Josh Unruh said

    Well done, sir. And here I was wasting time on airplanes reading the magazine that wants to sell you a combination back massager/fingernail clipper/hooka pipe.

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